Hm.
I guess I did change.
I don't seem to have much to talk to my friends these days.
Be it ONLINE friends or REAL LIFE friends.
I'm cold towards both.
When I'm online in Dragonica.
I no longer feel like talking to any of them.
It's not that I hate them.
Please don't get the wrong idea.
Maybe I just feel there's nothing for me to say anyways.
So there's no point trying to join in and get ignored in the end.
And when I'm online on MSN.
Friends talk to me.
First reaction is either "O_o" or multiple greetings.
People who talk to me on MSN, I think they are starting to find it boring talking to me.
I frequently give them really short messages that is really hard to continue.
It's not like I want that.
I don't know what's gotten into me either.
I think I have stop trusting in friendship.
It's either people are lying to me or they are trying to control me.
People lying to me is information gotten from myself.
People trying to control me is information gotten from my mum.
It's not like I'm trying to distant myself from others either.
But I realise, yes I'm doing that.
When my friends are talking, I don't seem to be listening.
Even if I am, I wouldn't react much.
Unlike last time, where I will talk lots of crap about it or something.
I also hope that I can be myself again.
But, where is myself?
I wish I can be like last time.
Where I will just say anything and everything.
Not wanting to keep anything to myself and let everyone know what happened.
Though it ain't any good thing but I feel that's more like ME.
Just like Glasnost as learnt in Social Studies.
The policy of Openness.
I used to be very open.
And now?
I'm keeping everything to myself.
That might just be the reason why I'm feeling so tired every time.
So don't say I've changed towards you.
Because I've changed towards EVERYONE.
I hope to see a change in myself again.
Of course in a good way.
But it's not easy.
I have already gotten used to blocking everyone out of my life.
So now, what to do?
Anyone that can help make me open myself to others again?
Just hope my mother would stop asking me to watch everything I say.
I hope I can be the lively me I used to be.
Hm.
Sigh.
I am now starting to try and stay out of society.
I don't have the interest of socialising with people anymore.
As in I do want it, but I can't bring myself to do it.
I have no idea why.
Maybe I will go think through about it tonight.
Like I said, nobody understands me.
So don't be so proud and say that you do.
Because you don't.
Not at all.
Even my parents and my siblings understands nothing about me.
And I would like to apologise to those whom I have changed my attitude towards.
And to those whom I have changed my way of talking to.
I know I sound very cold.
But understand this.
It's not intentional.
Maybe after today, there might be a change.
Labels: clueless, frenship
